My husband has a girlfriend Most people feel sorry for me, or even disgusted, that I actually like the woman who—as they see it—threatens to replace me.
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When a coworker recently spotted an affectionate display between Cliff and Allison, it was especially scandalous since everyone knew he was married. I was thankful HR handled their subsequent dating disclosure without bias. I wore an extravagant cocktail dress and, despite my burning cheeks, attempted the most rumor-proof smile I could muster.
I got so many sympathy drinks that night. It was harder to brush off the grief our friends felt when our relationship changed.
I wondered, would their husbands restrict them from associating with a single woman? Why was I so different? Allison and I aren't milking goats on the cult compound, Jell-O wrestling at the feet of our Virile Male, or drinking dosed Kool-Aid before ritualistic throuple sex. We do what typical friends do: share memes, drink craft beer, and discuss the latest episode of Killing Eve. We pick up meatballs for each other at Ikea.
In the glow of new lust, Cliff was my everything. I was filled with rage to hear people say that monogamy was flawed. Creating human life together forged an unbreakable bond. At the same time, I was hit with a wave of hormones after I stopped nursing.
The renewed sexual energy of reclaiming my body transformed me into a total adolescent. I got tattoos, dyed my hair blue, and partied. I flirted salaciously with hot d who were our mutual friends. One night, I lay awake with my pulse pounding, gripped with the sudden courage to tell my husband that I wanted to have sex with other people.
I put his hand on my breast to cushion the blow I said I was grateful we were still in love after 17 years. That I felt like I was going through a change, and rather than rebel alone, I wanted him to be my partner in crime. And that it really turned me on to think of us in an open marriage.
My husband sat up in bed. I had always been the vanilla one. Cliff looked as giddy as I had when he had proposed; only this time, we were choosing us, and setting each other free. We had mind-blowing sex.
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Not only was my husband okay with this—it turned him on. With freedom, my pent-up sexual tension deflated. I could be around hot d without losing my mind. Cliff wanted kitchen table polyamory, where both partners have serious secondary relationships.
I wanted lust and extramarital fun. In a twist of irony, I fell in love with someone new and had my heart broken, organically extending my own boundaries. Cliff started dating Allison. Never having dated polyamorously before, she handled the revelation of our open marriage perfectly: she barraged him with questions. We followed each other on Instagram and discovered we share the same absurd sense of humor.
We gleefully bonded over memes. All of that good will flushed out of me like a public restroom toilet, and what gurgled up in its place was grotesque. Sure, I had fallen in instant love with another man, but it had taken us six months to admit our feelings to each other I felt angry that they were moving so quickly. I pulled out my jealousy and examined what was beneath it. I feared I was being replaced. I started to regret my decision to open our marriage. He assured me he had no intentions to replace me. I fumed for about a week solid. Then out of nowhere, my anger disappeared.
The pain of betrayal can take a lifetime to dislodge; but this pain came with an undercurrent of trust. Plus, I knew firsthand that my love for Cliff never changed through loving my own paramour.
Jealousy is like anger. Both are common emotions that should be accepted, admitted, and allowed to breathe.
Neither are emotions we should bend to. Yet, we submit to jealousy in the most important arena of our lives: love. When we get married, we mark ourselves with rings, banish anyone deemed a sexual risk, and deny ourselves until our desires display in toxic ways. Thirty-two percent of marriages end in divorce according to the CDCdown from nearly half, which could be due to people changing the way they have relationships.
While some protect their relationships with boundaries, we simply use honesty and communication to protect our relationship against a threatening foe: stagnation. Today, we have a happy little polycule.
Allison even started a fling with another man. Have I felt more jealousy? And when I occasionally feel like the relationship is moving too fast, I ask for space. Concepts that once seemed terrifying are surprisingly easy when we meet the people involved United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. PeopleImages Getty Images.
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